Troy McNaughtonCaptain Corelli's Mandarin Gluton Free Muffin
May 15th 2006 00:29
Put simply, people watching is that much more satisfying when there’s that element of the extreme, the unnatural, the fetishist. Like the Gothic mothers that have begun to populate the Enmore area. It’s like they were students who forgot to leave. And it would appear that even vegans drink coffee.
Don’t be fooled by its run-of-the-mill pathetic Italian ripoff name though. Don’t even be fooled by potential literary references. There was not a mandolin in sight. (thank the gods – we could have been there FOREVER) This is a genuine Newtown café – and just for you I will list the telltale signs (just in case you’re ever kidnapped, hooded, and taken to one as a hostage and you manage to use your feet to call the police under the table and you need to guess where you are):
2) Avocado mash-coloured walls.
3) Skinny, pierced, drug-addict-looking wait staff.
4) Tofu burgers and a myriad of vege-friendly options.
5) Something called an LSD: a latte with soy and dandelion.
6) 700 kinds of tea, including something about “spiralina” – what the?!
Honestly, there were rockmelons in the display shelves alongside the many homemade desserts (ugly but promising – again you may choose to close your eyes) and quinces on the bench by the window. I apparently couldn’t spot a quince if I knocked it to the floor with my elbow and asked “what the hell is that” but luckily my ever-more-cultured coffee companion Master S was able to edumacate me. There were fresh flowers sprawling from the cash register area, reaching into the high ceiling and the slightly cramped area around the outside.
The kitchen is smack bang in the middle of the place so there’s no hiding the hygiene.
If you’re wont to judge by appearances then again this place might not be for you.
It’s another home of homemade chai tea (Cibby!) with plenty of chunky unidentified bits floating in frothed milk in a rather large pot, so don’t be put off by its $3.80 price tag. It was a bit weak, though, to be honest, but on the other hand, I appreciate a place that can furnish me with the honey I require.
THOU SHALT NOT PUT SUGAR IN CHAI!
Check it out if you’re wandering by, anyway… I’m talking to YOU hippie… That’s right, YOU!
“Yeah hippie, go back to Woodstock [or Corelli’s] if you don't want to shoot anything.” – Eric Cartman, South Park.
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Comment by stephen
if you wanna grace the fair virtual shores of brain marinade once more (RSS feed at the bottom) you are always welcome.
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Lia
But I was a member of the Newtown High wankerarti for a couple of years and Corelli
Comment by amy
Cibby, I'm clearly a better authorit-aye on Indian tea than you are =P
What brand of weird floaty bits do you recommend, Lia? I'm very very very scared of the kind of weird floaty bits available commercially. Even tea-shop chai has been known to disappoint.
Frothing in a coffee plunger? Vigorously?! This, I say, is not possible. No doubt will post on that sometime in the future but I admire your resourcefulness!
End of your comment seems to have dropped off... and I'm in suspense! Why does it not surprise me that the wankeratorium gave rise to your blog?! =P
(not that its wanky in the slightest, but very Newtown!)
Comment by Lia
Comment by Lia
Wankeratorium! I love it! The Chai mix was Taffy's own home blend- I remember it had cinnamon and
bay leaves and peppercorns and probably lots of other things I can't remember. But I am suspicious
of shop-chai too. Apparently the Byron Bay blend is very good but very expensive.
However frothing can happen in a plunger! It involves lots of pumping up and down and leaves the
performer rather dishevelled and slightly sweaty. Anyway, it looks and sounds much more sexual
than it really is. I look forward to your blogging on the subject!
Oh, oops! My comment did cut off mid-way. I think my conclusion was that Corelli's was usually our
cafe of choice when cutting classes. Yeah, Newtown is my 'hood. *lame attempt at
Comment by Cibbuano
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...when I went to India, I don't remember people using honey for anything!
Comment by Anonymous
My God, chai was what got me through all those hours at train stations. 'chai chai chai chai chaiiii-a', was a welcome sound from the vendors while I scrambled for 3 rupees.
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by amy
Lia - bay leaves and pepper corns?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! What kind of drugs was Taffy on?
Anonymous - sooooo dying to go to India