Troy McNaughtonBeef of the Day..............gratis
July 9th 2006 18:35
What is worse than skim or soy milk that doesn’t get a mention on the menu and is therefore free?
Paying extra for skim or soy milk.
What is worse than paying extra for skim or soy milk?
The lack of an extra fee for skim or soy milk featuring as a separate item on the menu.
Who are these menu writers? Forget all the typos and spelling mistakes and formatting issues; forget the sticky menus, the 20 year old menus, the illegible menus.
There is nothing more annoying than being made to feel indebted or grateful by being informed that you are getting something for free that you should be getting free anyway.
It’s like “free gift” – a tautology if ever I heard one, or “free sauce”. When did tomato sauce become a 20c money spinner?
If I see another “Skim or soy milk………………gratis” I will scream. Or more likely I will do my best impression of a somewhat well-known Munch painting and make a terrible face while emitting no sound at all. Maybe I’ll shave my hair off too.
If it’s free, don’t mention it. Not even “no extra charge”. We are not going to tip you more in irrepressible gratitude at your generosity in giving us reheated, poorly foamed milk from the fly-infested, milk-encrusted jug next to the full cream one.
Or alternatively, at least have some consistency. Why not list other “gratis” items too? (and how wanky to be using Latin on a café menu – puhlease, most people just know if there isn’t a number there it probably doesn’t cost anything)
“Serviettes de la papier………………. gratis”
“Implements de la mange (knife and fork only)……………… gratis”
“Service no smile.…………………….gratis”
“Service with a smile…………………….how much have you got?”
No, we punters can’t be fooled. We know when we’re getting something for nothing, and we love it, we appreciate it, we wallow in it. Be it a marshmallow, a tiny teddy, or a double expresso shot for no extra cost – we treasure it and it keeps us warm on those long, lonely, winter nights.
Gratify me, and then you will have cause to write “gratis”.
No. Not now.
I’ll tell you when.
Paying extra for skim or soy milk.
What is worse than paying extra for skim or soy milk?
The lack of an extra fee for skim or soy milk featuring as a separate item on the menu.
Who are these menu writers? Forget all the typos and spelling mistakes and formatting issues; forget the sticky menus, the 20 year old menus, the illegible menus.
There is nothing more annoying than being made to feel indebted or grateful by being informed that you are getting something for free that you should be getting free anyway.
It’s like “free gift” – a tautology if ever I heard one, or “free sauce”. When did tomato sauce become a 20c money spinner?
If I see another “Skim or soy milk………………gratis” I will scream. Or more likely I will do my best impression of a somewhat well-known Munch painting and make a terrible face while emitting no sound at all. Maybe I’ll shave my hair off too.
If it’s free, don’t mention it. Not even “no extra charge”. We are not going to tip you more in irrepressible gratitude at your generosity in giving us reheated, poorly foamed milk from the fly-infested, milk-encrusted jug next to the full cream one.
Or alternatively, at least have some consistency. Why not list other “gratis” items too? (and how wanky to be using Latin on a café menu – puhlease, most people just know if there isn’t a number there it probably doesn’t cost anything)
“Serviettes de la papier………………. gratis”
“Implements de la mange (knife and fork only)……………… gratis”
“Service with a smile…………………….how much have you got?”
No, we punters can’t be fooled. We know when we’re getting something for nothing, and we love it, we appreciate it, we wallow in it. Be it a marshmallow, a tiny teddy, or a double expresso shot for no extra cost – we treasure it and it keeps us warm on those long, lonely, winter nights.
Gratify me, and then you will have cause to write “gratis”.
No. Not now.
I’ll tell you when.
Skinny cows eat less - so where's the discount on the milk???
| 52 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Anonymous
go into the city and you find most cafes charge for soy (havn't seen extra fo skim).
go to norton street and ask for skim or soy and they will laugh it you for trying to get them to runi a perfectly made coffee.
how about buying ur own machine and not leaving the house!
Comment by edward
Rocky's Running Diary
(Sorry I'm late I've been on holidays...)
Comment by amy
I wrote a rude response about the bravery of anonymous comments but thought better of it - "Anonymous" cops enough shit as it is!
Hard to blog on hols eh?!? Will be much more diligent and back to thinking about Sydney cuisine just as soon as I run out of curries, noodles and rice in SE Asia =P