Troy McNaughton75 Ways to know if you drink too much coffee...
April 16th 2006 02:45
1. You answer the door before people knock.
2. You ski uphill.
3. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
4. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
5. You speed walk in your sleep.
6. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
7. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
8. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
9. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
10. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
11. You sleep with your eyes open.
12. When you open your dish cabinet, and there are only mugs.
13. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
14. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
15. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
16. You lick your coffeepot clean.
17. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
18. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
19. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
20. Your coffee cake must have coffee in it.
21. You chew on other people's fingernails.
22. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
23. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
25. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get is chocolate covered beans.
26. You can jump-start your car without cables.
27. All your kids are named "Joe".
28. You don't sweat, you percolate.
29. You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
30. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
31. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
32. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
33. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
34. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
35. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
36. People get dizzy just watching you.
37. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
38. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
39. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
40. Instant coffee takes too long.
41. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
42. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
43. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
44. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
45. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
46. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
47. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
48. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
49. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
50. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
51. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
52. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
53. You can jump to the moon.
54. You short out motion detectors.
55. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
56. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
57. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
58. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
59. You don't tan, you roast.
60. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
61. Your three favourite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
62. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
63. You can't even remember your second cup.
64. You help your dog chase its tail.
65. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
66. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
67. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
68. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
(adapted from The Lite Side of Coffee)
And some of my own....:
69. You have to warn epileptics if you wear too much bling.
70. Edges cut with scissors end up looking like you've used pinking sheers.
71. If you're holding a pen you get responses in morse code.
72. You like your men the way you like your coffee: tall, black, strong, and with plenty of crema. That's not a euphemism, you only really want coffee.
73. Your tongue is an asbestos hazard, it's so heat resistant.
74. The Coffee Group is at the bottom of your food pyramid.
75. Your friends have started using that old Bugs Bunny gag to shut you up: "One lump or two?" "Two please" *insert cartoon sounds of being hit on the head with a mallet*.
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Comment by Cibbuano
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coffee tastes funny... but it made my heart go doubletime!
Comment by amy
Welcome to the dark side...
PS. Where's your picture? How many spuds out of a possible five spuds do you give said cafe?
Comment by Cibbuano
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The cafe itself is just ok... the name makes it funny, though, and they have free internet.